Humour and LifeStyle

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to
take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
“WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

—–

Once I decided I had had enough of ‘HER’ games, so as we went to bed I told her I would treat her exactly how she treated me.

I woke up at 6.30am on a Monday and did the following (more events transpired in the day but the keys ones are what I listed - as I was so petty I dont have enough time to write them all):
1. Turned on lights and Radio, opened balcony door let in freezing cold air.
2. Made breakfast and came and ate it noisily sitting on the bed while she attempted to sleep.
2.b. Finished the milk
3. Opened about 270 bags loudly looking for some piece of paper that I should have organised the night before, making that typical woman noise tuh haah (sucking tongue from front teeth almost lick a click with an angry frustrated breath out afterwards.)
4. Got ready in bathroom loudly - door open.
5. Slammed doors.
6. Spoke to her while she attempted to sleep demanding she tell me where is my bit of paper that I need? Cos if I can’t find it, it must have been her, right?
7. Left my clothes, dishes and toiletry mess in the bedroom and hallway and bathroom floor, then demanded that she clean up hers.
8. Placed my my “house shoes, 1 small sports bag, house pants and a comfortable t-shirt” on the bedroom chair for later when i get home to change into and demanded she remove all items of clothing from the room, while she still attempted to sleep.
9. Called her a selfish asshole cos she ignored me while trying to sleep.
10. Called my parents loudly before going to work.
11. When she got up I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door for 20 minutes. Making her almost burst her bladder and piss her pants. Ignoring her complaints about needing to go and saying, F off, when Im in here you can wait. Left the bathroom with a smug look on my face.
12. Demanded that the dishes get washed before I leave, and that I wanted to see her do them. (I do all the clothes washing and ironing for the people who think I’m sexist.)
13. Made sure to repeat that she do the dishes at least 7 times during the course of the morning.
14. Went into the bathroom again for 15 minutes for no apparent reason, blocking her attempts to get ready. Also refusing to answer the door and let her in, once again claiming that in is in and she can wait.
15. When she went in the bathroom I ate 1 of the 2 toasts she made. When she complained I gave her the cutsie smile she gives me.
16. Told her we are visiting my friends Friday, no choice she’s coming and had better be nice. (She does this to me about her parents).
17. Blamed her for something that she didn’t or couldn’t have possibly done. I act angry about it cos it’s important to me and she is so insensitive to such things.
18. I cancel a planned outing due to me just not feeling right, that I’ve been feeling icky and I’m sure that if I go I will get a tummy ache.
19. She is so furious right about now and I tell her that I am disappointed in her attitude and leave the house without giving her a chance to answer or even say goodbye to her.
20. On the way to work I send her an SMS and say “I thought you were different”.
21. I do not answer her 5 calls or 3 SMS’s.
22. She is there when I get home. I give her the silent treatment for the whole night, but act super friendly on the phone when a friend rings. Then back to cold treatment.
23. I go to bed without a word.
24. She goes to bed and tries to cuddle (obviously she is confused or hurt). I push her away and tell her not to touch me.
25. She cries and tries to get attention.
26. At this point I get up and turn on the light.
I said in a cool voice much like a scientist explaining his results to a class about what I had did and why. I reminded her of what I had said the night before - she had mostly forgotten that.
She is fiery and EXTREMELY defensive so she breaks into a tirade of abuse and the F**** YOU and how could you and the im not that bad and the blah blah blah.
I ended up moving out to a friends. 4 days later she begged me to come home.
Things changed after that.
Slowly slipping back though, might have to give her another reminder.

This is how she reacted to less than 24 hours treatment of what I received on a daily basis for over 4 years.